


Afraid To Love You

by wookbutt09



Series: Haikyuu!! Party [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Party, Partying, Underage Drinking, but this is a party series, so is the party, the drinking is irrelevant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-06
Updated: 2015-06-06
Packaged: 2018-04-03 02:15:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4082794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wookbutt09/pseuds/wookbutt09
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bokuto and Akaashi have been dating for a few months, and they both love each other very much, though Akaashi is a lot more uncomfortable showing his affection than Bokuto. Bokuto is afraid that Akaashi doesn’t like him anymore, and Akaashi needs to decide whether or not he has the courage to fix it. </p><p>Part of a 3-part series.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Afraid To Love You

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first of three different love stories that take place at this party, though the order will be irrelevant. My first BokuAka, I hope you like it!
> 
> This was inspired by the songs "Unkiss Me" and "New Love" by Maroon 5.

“Akaashiiii,” Bokuto whined, pulling on the other boy’s arm. “Let’s go dance, I love this song!”

“Uh… I don’t think so, Bokuto-san. Maybe in a bit,” he replied, looking to where the other people were dancing. There were a lot of people here at this party, and dancing with Bokuto in front of all of them… it was a little much, right?

“Hmph. Fine,” Bokuto mumbled, sounding like a kid. Crossing his arms over his chest and very clearly put off, he looked away from Akaashi. “And I told you to stop calling me that, _Keiji_.” He stormed off in a dramatic manner.

Akaashi was glad that the room was so dark because he could feel the blush warming his cheeks. They had been dating for a few months now, but it was still hard for him to address Bokuto so informally. It was habit, really, and especially difficult when he was embarrassed. Bokuto tended to make him feel that way.

He sighed to himself, took a sip from the beer he was holding, and looked around his environment. It’s not like he minded parties. He was pretty neutral about it all, but he just wasn’t sure what to do. He always felt a bit out of place.

Spotting Kenma talking with two of the guys from Karasuno over by the couch, he decided he could at least say hi, since Bokuto had ditched him. He wasn’t too familiar with the others, but he knew Kenma pretty well. It’s not like he was really shy, or anything, anyway.

“Hey,” he said, moving to stand next to Kenma.

“Oh. Hi Akaashi,” Kenma replied quietly. Akaashi could barely hear him over the loud music.

“What’s up?” he asked, looking at everyone while taking a sip from his beer, which he now noted was entirely too warm.

“Not much,” Kenma replied quietly again. “Where’s Bokuto?” he asked, looking around Akaashi.

“Mm… not sure. He’s mad at me again.” Akaashi cracked a small smile, and Kenma did, too.

“You should probably go find him, then.”

“Yeah…” Akaashi agreed sullenly. He knew he should, and yet he was hesitant.

Before they had started dating, he’d had no problem saying anything to Bokuto. But now, things were different. Bokuto was his boyfriend. There were certain expectations with that. He was supposed to be less formal with Bokuto, more open. It was an easy transition for Bokuto, very natural, it seemed. He always wanted to kiss, or hold hands, pretty much scream about their “love” from the rooftops.

Okay, maybe that was an exaggeration. Bokuto wasn’t a crazy person. But he certainly wasn’t shy about dating Akaashi, and Akaashi shouldn’t have been either. And yet, he was. Everything made him nervous, and scared, emotions that he wasn’t really used to feeling, especially around Bokuto.

But that wasn’t Bokuto’s fault, and he shouldn’t have to suffer for it. So, off he went to find him. Apparently, he was in the kitchen, shot gunning a beer with Kuroo, obviously.

“Bokuto-sa – Bokuto.”

“Hi Akaashi!” the older boy announced loudly when he finished his drink, wiping his mouth on the back of his arm. Akaashi smiled at him. As dramatic as Bokuto could be, he could also snap out of it pretty quickly, and it warmed his heart to know that Bokuto was always so happy to see him, even if they were fighting. Not that they were ever really fighting.  

“Be careful, okay?” Akaashi warned, not wanting Bokuto to get sick.

“Aww, worrying about him, Akaashi?” Kuroo teased, wrapping an arm around Bokuto’s shoulder with a smug expression on his face. Bokuto looked like a kid at Christmas upon hearing that, and as much as Akaashi wanted to tell him that of course he was always concerned for Bokuto’s wellbeing, he just couldn’t; it was too embarrassing. He huffed in response, turning his head away before taking another sip of his now disgustingly warm beer.

Bokuto’s face fell immediately, and he shrugged out of Kuroo’s hold on him, walking away with a very dejected posture.

“Bokuto-san – ” Akaashi tried to call after him, but Bokuto never looked back. Akaashi wasn’t sure what he would say even if he caught up to him, so he didn’t try.

“What are you doing, Akaashi?” Kuroo asked, looking way more serious now. Akaashi averted his gaze.

“I don’t know…”

“Well you need to figure it out, because you really keep upsetting him.”

“Did he say that to you?” Akaashi asked, looking back up. If Bokuto was actually that affected by it, Akaashi really had no idea. He figured Bokuto was annoyed by it, and he knew that it really wasn’t fair to him, but to be that upset by it? Akaashi immediately felt terrible. He was an awful boyfriend.

“He doesn’t need to say anything. It’s obvious. And I’m not the one who should be noticing that, you are.”

“I know,” Akaashi said, sighing. “I’m just not used to this stuff.”

“Nothing is different between you guys, he’s still the same Bokuto and you’re still the same Akaashi,” Kuroo said, tone a bit gentler now.  “You don’t have to treat each other any differently. Just let yourself be happy, it’s really not that big of a deal.”

“But it is different.”

“You’re making it harder than it has to be. Relationships are about compromise. Try a little harder to be showier with him, and in return, he has to patient. You can quote me on that to him. Because I am all-knowing.” Kuroo’s face was back to its usual smug expression, and Akaashi rolled his eyes.

“Can’t be serious for more than 2 minutes.”

“I am serious.”

“How do you know anything about relationships, anyway? It’s not like anyone has ever wanted to date you.”

“Ouch. I’m wounded, Akaashi.”

“Yeah, whatever.” He smiled a bit, and Kuroo smiled back.

“Just go talk to him. He really loves you, y’know.”

“Yeah…” Akaashi acknowledged, face heating up again as he looked away from Kuroo.

“Pfftt.” Kuroo left him to join the party then, Akaashi still standing there to think over everything on his own, and after a few minutes of stalling, he went to look for Bokuto. He wondered briefly how someone as loud as Bokuto could keep escaping from him so well, but eventually Akaashi found him sitting by himself in a lawn chair outside in the back. His heart hurt at the sight.

He stood next to Bokuto, and he had to admit that it was a bit awkward. And that’s when he knew he had to fix things immediately. The last thing he ever wanted for things to be awkward between him and Bokuto. This was his fault, and he needed to change that.

“Bokuto-san.” Bokuto looked up at him then.

“Oh, hey, Akaashi,” Bokuto said, a smile on his face, though Akaashi could tell it was forced.

“Why are you out here by yourself?” Akaashi asked, kind of hoping that Bokuto had had a bit too much to drink and only required some fresh air. But Bokuto was certainly not a light weight, and clearly not very drunk at all. So of course he knew the real reason, and he dreaded it.

“I dunno, I just needed to think, and it was too loud in there…” Akaashi was silent for a moment, because he was afraid to ask Bokuto what he was thinking about. He took a deep breath.

“What are you thinking about?”

“Can we talk, Akaashi?” There it was.

“Of course. You can always talk to me,” Akaashi offered. He wasn’t sure what that would solve at this point, but he meant it. Bokuto stood up to face him, but for the first time, Bokuto had trouble looking him in the eyes.

“I don’t really know what to say,” he said, laughing softly.

“That’s a first timer,” Akaashi replied with a smile. He was happy when Bokuto smiled back, and it was genuine.

“Akaashi, you know how I feel about you. We’ve always been close, and you’ve always been there for me. I was really happy when I told you and you said you wanted to date, too. I was happy that we could hold hands and go on dates. I was so happy that I could hug you and tell you how much I like you whenever I wanted. But I can feel that you’re not as happy about it as I am. I want you to be happy, and if you’re happier when we’re just friends, then I just rather be your friend. Even if that’s not really what I want…” Bokuto was full on blushing by the end of his speech, and it was another first timer for him.

Akaashi was shocked. He was shocked that Bokuto could communicate something like this so well. Although Akaashi was a man of few words, he was a good communicator. But when it came to relationships, obviously he was clueless, and Bokuto seemed like a pro. Maybe because Bokuto never forced himself; he just allowed himself to be Bokuto at all times. Maybe Kuroo was right. Maybe Akaashi was overthinking everything, and that’s why he was failing.

And he was heartbroken that Bokuto would ever think that Akaashi wasn’t happy being with him.

“Bokuto-sa – Bokuto. This is really hard for me, but I’m going to try, so please listen.

“I am happy. It’s just not as natural for me to be as open about everything as you are.”

“But – ”

“Please listen. I want you to be happy, too. I like you because you’re not afraid to be you. I might be more self-conscious than I realized before all this. But I don’t want to be anymore. I want to be as comfortable as you are. I really admire you… Koutarou.” What he didn’t tell Bokuto was how completely head over heels he was for him. How he adored Bokuto’s stupid jokes, and his childish antics. How proud he was to call him his captain, how proud he was of everything Bokuto had accomplished. How Bokuto’s kisses and words and touches made his heart beat like crazy, and his stomach drop.

Bokuto had no idea how much Akaashi loved him.

But Akaashi would save that type of confession for another day.

Bokuto looked like he was going to cry, and Akaashi was freaking out internally. Making Bokuto feel even worse was the complete opposite of what he was trying to do. He had failed again. But then Bokuto smiled, and Akaashi found himself in the tightest hug Bokuto had ever given him. Akaashi sighed in relief, a content smile on his face as he – confidently – wrapped his arms just as tightly around Bokuto’s middle.

“I’m going to try really hard, Bokuto. I promise,” Akaashi mumbled into his chest. “Can you be patient with me?”

“Anything for you, Akaashi!” Bokuto responded, hugging him even tighter, if that was possible.

“Thank you,” Akaashi breathed.

“Mm.”

Akaashi broke their embrace, looking at Bokuto. He was nervous, but he reached up and kissed Bokuto, pressing their lips together for a few moments before pulling back. It was the first kiss he’d ever initiated in public, and although he knew his face was bright red, he was happy, and not nearly as embarrassed as he thought he’d be.

“Thank you,” Bokuto said with a gentle smile.

“Mm.” Akaashi smiled back.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this wasn't terribly OOC. And I hope you enjoyed it! Also I just realized this is wicked short, I apologize lol.


End file.
